


Stay With Me

by InkyKinky



Series: Confessions [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Seemingly unrequited love, daisuga - Freeform, emotional pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:20:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkyKinky/pseuds/InkyKinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had promised not to, he had expected that something like that might happen and thus sworn not to, but that’d sound as though he could’ve helped it.</p><p>He couldn’t.</p><p>He hated Sawamura Daichi, hated how he had wrapped him around his little finger, he hated the inevitable, he had seen it coming, how could he not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm apparently unable to simply write Fluff, so you gotta bear with the pain train at first. It might turn out into a multi-chapter thing, so the rating might get actually up, but for now it's just T.
> 
> ehehehhe please don't hate me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why am I so emotional?  
> No, it’s not a good look, gain some self-control  
> And deep down I know this never works  
> But you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt
> 
> \- _Sam Smith_

 

Kōshi probably had never felt this alone in his entire life.

His fingers were shaking when he removed his shoes and got into his house slippers, his heavy school bag almost throwing him out of balance.

He _was_ alone. His parents still at work or maybe grocery shopping, his sisters taking extra long from club activities.

As soon as he had closed the door to his room, he broke down and cried. His scalp actually should have been burning with the force he tugged his hair, he wanted to scratch his skin, bite into his cheek until it bled to just feel anything but the numbing pain that had a tight grip onto his heart.

He had promised not to, he had expected that something like that might happen and thus sworn not to, but that’d sound as though he could’ve helped it.

He couldn’t.

He hated Sawamura Daichi, hated how he had wrapped him around his little finger, he hated the inevitable, he had seen it coming, how could he not.

_How could he not?_ was his desperate attempt to push the shame away, to blame Daichi for everything. He craved to hit something, throw hundreds of serves, to feel the stinging, prickling pain in his palm, returning to the gym he just had fled so hastily that Daichi won’t catch up.

_Shouldn’t he feel happy? If he truly loved Daichi, how could he feel so miserable, how could he be so selfish, so jealous?_

Thick tears dropped down on his uniform, his sobbing and gasping making his lungs burn even more. His phone vibrated somewhere in his pocket but he couldn’t care less.

_Worst of all friends, worst of all lovers._

Another burst of sobs shook his form, his fingers digging into his arms to hold himself tight, to pretend that there was someone who kept him upright. How could he be so jealous?

It upset him. _Just a kiss, a peck on the cheek, it was nothing, nothing, just nothing, nothing he should care about, and yet…_

Michimiya Yui had her good right. They knew each other since they were little. _Who was he to think he could claim Sawamura Daichi for himself?_

Kōshi bit into his palm to swallow another gasp. _How could he even get the idea that he could equal her, in any way?_ There was no way that Daichi in his right senses would choose him over Michimiya, not even close. They were a match made in heaven, and he couldn’t just ignore that.

With trembling fingers he pulled out his phone as it vibrated again, another text message.

**From: Daichi**

Of course. Kōshi bit on his lip, dreading to open the two texts in his inbox.

**»Hey, you alright?**

**»Did something happen? Don’t you feel well? Should I come over?**

He clicked them away.

 

The next day, Kōshi felt like a zombie. Everything was numb, as though he was walking in his personal bubble that muffled everything around him. On their way to school, Daichi asked him if he felt well, and why he hadn’t answered his texts the night before. Kōshi just shrugged, mumbling some excuse about “falling asleep over my homework” and that was that. Daichi didn’t pry any further. He never did, to spare Kōshi’s nerves.

Morning practice was mediocre, but nobody said a word.

During the day, his teachers probably sensed the small cloud of misery surrounding him and just let him be, not asking him to step in for another student who didn’t know the answer, so he could continue to mindlessly doodle in his notepad. If Daichi had noticed something was off, he didn’t mention anything during their breaks. In fact, he stuck together with Michimiya, whispering close to each other’s ear, sometimes giggling, and Kōshi was wise enough not to look. Asahi tried to cheer him up with a chocolate bar from the vending machine, but he really didn’t have any appetite. He more felt like throwing up.

He _was_ a horrible friend. First he fell in love with Daichi, and now he didn’t even have the guts to tell him. _As though he had had them prior to this point._ Two years of pining for his best friend was enough for Kōshi, and now he got the bill, ignoring that their time was running short since they would graduate in spring as well. Another thing that made his guts twist uncomfortably.

It was just before club practice was about to start that Daichi got a grip on him and pulled him aside.

“Suga, do you really feel okay?” The insistent look on his face made Kōshi avert his eyes to the ground. He couldn’t lie him in the face. He couldn’t. He felt his ears grow hotter by every second.

“I’m fine, Daichi, it’s okay,” he murmured, more to the ground than to his friend, “stop worrying.”

“Then don’t give me a reason to!” Daichi’s voice tasted heavy on Kōshi’s lips and his glance shot up to meet dark, nearly black eyes. He _was_ worried. “Did I – did I do something wrong?”

“N-no?” Kōshi internally groaned. He had to refrain from saying ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ and instead settled with a stammered, “I’m sorry, I was just… I’ve got… a person that I lo-like has someone else. I’m sorry if I was rough to you. I didn’t mean it.”

He couldn’t lie into Daichi’s face.

“O-oh.” Daichi let go of his arm, surprise written over his face. “I didn’t – I didn’t know you… liked someone.”

“What,” Kōshi giggled, Daichi’s face looking hilarious to his circuit brain, “surprised? Don’t tell me you thought it’d be an impossibility for me. We’re in high school, everyone has a crush every now and then.”

It shouldn’t feel so easy to just laugh it off. His heart shouldn’t beat faster from the dumbfounded look on Daichi’s face, the broad frame looking nice in his practice jersey. He shouldn’t feel tingles down his spine while thinking about just kissing his best friend.

Without a further word, Kōshi bit on his lip and turned on his heel to head to club practice, leaving Daichi in the hallway until the latter decided to finally catch up.

There was a moment when he thought everything had gone back to normal, everything had shifted back for 48 hours, as though nothing had happened. Until Michimiya had stuck her head into Gym No. 2 as they were cleaning, to ask if Daichi could stay a little after practice.

Kōshi tried not to think about this. He tried not to interpret something into the fact that Daichi wore such a stupid, stupidly cute lopsided grin, that his eyes shone bright, and the ugly monster pierced its claws into Kōshi’s chest again, a monster he didn’t know how to fight.

Everything was like in trance, Kōshi didn’t remember putting the net back, or the mop. Everything felt slow, his movements tranquil, but he didn’t exactly mind. He probably was lost in thoughts, yet he couldn’t remember thinking about anything at all, the world just roamed around him, uncoiling without his notice. He was oddly in peace, but lost. So, so lost.

“Suga?” Daichi’s voice snapped Kōshi out of his dream-like state. “I didn’t know you still were here. I actually wanted to lock the gym now.”

Kōshi stared at him like a deer in the headlights. He still stood at the other end of the gym, a stray volleyball in his hands.

“Oh,” was his reply.

“Are you really okay, Suga?” Daichi’s step echoed through the hall as he came closer, hands stuffed into his tracksuit pockets. “I didn’t know _the thing_ was… had such an impact, y’know? I mean, you kept quiet about it until now, so I thought… well, I’m sorry. I hope you know that I’ll always be there for you if you need me. If you want my help, that is.” He had stopped a few metres away, his shoulders slumped down a bit, eyes evading Kōshi, and his teeth piercing his lower lip. Kōshi frowned.

“I’m sorry, Daichi,” he almost whispered. He wasn’t even sure that Daichi had heard him until his mouth pressed into a thin line, a forced smile. It gave Kōshi’s heart a sting.

“No! No, it’s okay.” He heard the hurt pride in Daichi’s voice, as though he didn’t even really try to hide it. Or maybe Kōshi knew him too well. “Maybe I just… I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good friend to you. You should be able to tell me such things, there should be _time_ for this but – we just didn’t. I missed to catch up with your life, I’m sorry.”

It took a while until Kōshi finally had found words to say, his mind still blank from his weird feelings.

“Daichi, we’ve had plenty of time, I just didn’t tell you. I feel like there’s barely a second of the day that we aren’t together, we have practice, school, we study together–”

“But we’re never alone.”

Kōshi felt Daichi’s dark eyes on him, but as soon as he caught him, his glance snapped away, as though guilty. There was a pause in which nobody dared to say a word, the air charging with uncomfortable silence.

“I should change and get my bag so you can lock the gym, I’m sure your mum’s waiting for you.”

Daichi nodded, his view following Kōshi as the latter walked back to the club room, only the padding of his gym shoes audible in the building.

There were a few things Kōshi couldn’t forget that night.

One, apparently he didn’t pay as much attention to his best friend and secret crush as he should. Otherwise he would’ve noticed that Daichi needed to talk, even more desperately than he did. Daichi would never ask him for something like this. No. He probably was too proud for this. He wished for them to be alone, but only a small percentage was about Kōshi’s sense of security, should he open his feelings and darkest secrets to him.

Two, had Kōshi caught Daichi alone earlier, he might have learned about his crush on Michimiya. He might have seen it coming, might have realised it sooner, he could have been there for him, maybe understand his feelings, his attraction towards her, so that Kōshi could find a close.

“Daichi,” Kōshi breathed, only a few streets away from where they would part, “was I… was I a bad friend to you?” He dared to look up shortly, only to look on the street again less than a second afterwards.

Daichi’s inhale was shaky.

“I don’t know.” His voice was fading, insecure, not the Daichi he knew. “I wish I could say you were, just to feel better about myself and how horrible I am – but you are not.”

Kōshi crinkled his brows.

“Why should you feel bad about yourself? I mean you are –” He looked Daichi up and down again. _Handsome. Sweet. Strong. A charmer._ “– you.”

Daichi looked at the ground, and if the street lights didn’t trick him, Kōshi was sure that he was blushing. “Stop saying such things. You always make it seem as though I’m …perfect, or something like that. Suga, we only have the Spring Tournament, and after that we’ll graduate. Our paths will part sooner or later, and if I can’t make time for you now when we see each other daily, what a friend will I be if we end up on different sides of the country?”

“Daichi, you’re getting over-dramatic.”

“I just don’t want to lose you. I don’t even have real contact to anyone from Junior High except for Michimiya, and that’s because she’s at our school. I don’t want that the same will happen to us, Suga. If I just was there for you the way you need me, I’d know how to help you. I’d know about your love life – I mean I don’t even know what’s your type!”

“Daichi, stop it.” Kōshi snapped at him to cut it out. “I simply didn’t tell you. If I really wanted, I would’ve found the time and place to tell you, but I didn’t.”

“Then why didn’t you want to tell me?” Daichi looked so lost, forlorn. It was heartbreaking. “Don’t you trust me? Did I do – did I say something wrong? Do you think I will make fun of you?”

“No no, Daichi, that’s not it!”

“Then why, Suga?” Daichi almost yelled, and Kōshi was scared. He was scared of Daichi, how hurt he looked, how desperate, and he knew this wasn’t fair.

“It’s complicated, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I–”

“Why is it complicated?”

“You just don’t understand!”

“Yes, you’re right, Suga, I don’t understand! But I want to! I really want to but you’re making it damn hard!”

This was the breaking point, and Suga could now feel how streams were running down his cheeks, his vision blurring, and he just wanted to curl up on the floor and be left alone.

“Oh gosh, Suga I’m sorry, I didn’t– I wanted– please don’t cry.”

Suga tried to furiously rub away the tears but only made it worse, thick drops running down uncomfortably his neck, into his collar. There he was, crying in front of that one person he didn’t want to show how broken he really was, and he choked on the sobs he tried to muffle.

“I-I’m sorry, I just– I’m–” he started without even knowing what to say, and before Kōshi knew, he was wrapped into Daichi’s arms, and he felt like in an emotional rollercoaster. This wasn’t fair.

Why was Daichi so _warm_ , and _strong_ , and _caring_ , and overall _just too good to be true_?

Daichi rubbed Kōshi’s back soothingly, and this shouldn’t feel so nice, with Daichi’s face nuzzled into his hair, his warm breath making everything feel so right but it wasn’t, and Kōshi sobbed more into Daichi’s crook.

Why did he have to rub him in the face what he missed out on, how nice he felt, how wonderful his scent was, how warm and gentle and strong he was, how hopelessly sweet when Kōshi needed it, and _it wasn’t fair._

“I’ll see you home, alright?” Daichi muttered as the first big wave of shaken sobs diminished.

As though Kōshi had a say in this.

Daichi slung one arm around his shoulder, making him lean in and rest his head against him, almost too weak to walk, but they managed. There were still coming some snivels from Kōshi, and small droplets tickled down his cheeks, but it was okay and his brain felt too much like cotton candy that he would have cared. This really shouldn’t feel this nice.

“Are your parents home yet?” Daichi asked only two houses away from Kōshi’s place. Kōshi shook his head. They probably weren’t, one of his sisters had a music competition somewhere out of town, and they wouldn’t let her go home alone at this hour. Daichi dragged him to his front door and watched patiently for Kōshi to unlock the door. Kōshi furrowed his brows.

“Why are you still here?” he asked, tears still lacing in his voice.

Daichi just smiled stupidly, _warmly_ , his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against the door frame.

“I think I’ll invite myself over for dinner.”

Kōshi squinted, as far as his swollen eyes made it possible.

“You’d have to put up with my cooking. I’m positive that my mother didn’t leave anything in the fridge.” The sound of his voice was oddly nasal. He hated crying.

“I thought I’d be cooking anyway.” Daichi’s grin didn’t even falter. Kōshi squinted even more.

“Why are you like that?”

“Like what?”

“Everyone would want you as their son-in-law. That’s not fair.” Kōshi struggled with removing his shoes and slid into his house slippers, Daichi mirroring his action, grabbing for the guest slippers.

“I’m not that …great,” Daichi said, his grin dropping into a frown.

“Just keep on telling that yourself, deep down you know it is true.” Kōshi moved further to his room to drop his bag, only to be surprised that Daichi followed suit.

“Why… why do you even think that? This is not some… some kind of inferiority complex you’re developing there, Suga?”

Kōshi groaned internally. Why was Daichi such a cute, adorable dork. This shouldn’t make Kōshi grin bashfully. These stupid, _stupid_ dimples shouldn’t make his heart leap up to his ears. This was not okay and neither was Kōshi. Why did he have to giggle at this in first place.

“You’ll be the end of me,” he sighed dramatically, throwing his hands up in the air to underline his defeat as he walked into the living room.

“But first,” Daichi made a pause pointedly as he vanished in the kitchen and pulled out an apron, “I will make us dinner.”

“So you were serious about that,” Kōshi deadpanned.

“Why shouldn’t I be serious about that?” Daichi stuck his head into the living room to look at him questioning. “I made you cry, I at least should make it up to you in some way, shouldn’t I?” The quick smile on his lips was too much for Kōshi’s nerves.

“I have the feeling that this is a trap,” he muttered behind his hands that covered his very red face, but it was too late since Daichi already went through all pots they owned to choose the best fit.

The meanwhile, Kōshi just set in the living room, trying to cope with the fact that Daichi made them dinner, which sounded and felt more romantic than it actually should be. Soon he heard the sizzling of food in a pot, the smell of meat and fresh vegetables mixing with the scent of rice from the rice cooker, and Kōshi was close to another emotional breakdown.

He should have known better than to crush on his best friend and team captain. He shouldn’t be so embarrassingly weak for him. _He shouldn’t…_

Kōshi planted his face on the table in front of him and groaned.

“Hey, you alright, Suga?”

_Really?_

Daichi was checking on him once again through the kitchen door.

“I’m fine I’m fine!” was Kōshi’s knee-jerk reaction and waved him off, his face still lingering on the table. _Seriously, how was this boy even real._

It took another ten minutes of self-loathing and feeling incredibly gushy until dinner was readily set up in front of him, together with the epitome of Kōshi’s wet dreams. They sat across each other, and every bite became harder to swallow with the knowledge of _this will never be real, Kōshi_.

“It’s really not fair that you’re such a good cook,” Kōshi sulked. Daichi chuckled.

“Will you give it a rest, Suga? It's just cooking, and I’m not such a good baker. Your cakes are way better than mine.”

Kōshi blushed.

“Oh, and I’m sure I don’t smell as good as you after practice either.”

Kōshi nearly choked on his rice. Daichi froze.

“Ye-yeah, uhm… thank you.”

Daichi cough.

“So, how about that mysterious person that broke your heart: Do I know them?”

Kōshi peeked up but Daichi averted his eyes, a blush stretching from one ear to the other. _Cute._

“Well, kinda, I guess,” Kōshi mumbled and took another bite.

“‘Kinda’? What do you mean?”

Kōshi shrugged. “I’m not sure if you know you met, but it’d be a possibility.” He was internally cheering for lying so perfectly in front of Daichi, without even turning red like a tomato.

“On our school?” And there it was again, Daichi’s x-ray stare. Kōshi could already feel his lies crumble.

“Yes, they are. I guess.”

“‘I guess.’ – Suga, how well do you know your crush, even?”

Kōshi had to giggle at Daichi’s pout. _How_ the heck _was that boy even real?_

“Yeah, I wonder about that sometimes, too.”

“Okay, so let me guess…”

“Daichi, please don’t.”

“Why not? I can’t believe you’d have an extraordinarily bad taste. So shush, your captain is thinking.”

Kōshi fell into a fit of laughter, and everything felt so alright, because there was still Daichi who cooked dinner for him and hugged him and made him laugh and cry and _feel_ , and it was so wholesome that Kōshi didn’t mind at all that he wasn’t allowed to touch him or kiss him, to feel him as something more than friends. This was oddly okay, even just for a moment.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I could tickle it out of you.” Daichi seemed very serious about this.  
> “I wanna see you try.” Kōshi poked out his tongue teasingly. They were in Kōshi’s room, darkness surrounding them except for the small reading lamp on Kōshi’s bedside table because none of them wanted to stumble through darkness after turning off the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted more, so you get more.  
> I hope, everyone's content!

“I could tickle it out of you.” Daichi seemed very serious about this.

“I wanna see you try.” Kōshi poked out his tongue teasingly. They were in Kōshi’s room, darkness surrounding them except for the small reading lamp on Kōshi’s bedside table because none of them wanted to stumble through darkness after turning off the light. Daichi poked at Kōshi’s knee.

“C’mon, you have to tell me. It’s unfair if you leave me in the dark. I, of all people,” he pouted. Kōshi snorted at that, appreciating how Daichi’s shoulders strained the fabric of the lend T-shirt. He actually wouldn’t mind if Daichi pulled it off so he could appreciate his whole torso.

“I don’t know about this. How do I know you’re not working for the enemy?” Kōshi’s eyes traced Daichi’s biceps, his thighs that weren’t covered by Daichi’s underwear. Kōshi was surprised he wasn’t sporting a full erection yet.

“I can’t tell you if I work for them if you don’t tell me who it is.”

_Touché._

“Okay. Okay, you won. But at first I have to ask for something.”

“Anything.” Daichi was so close, and so eager like an excited puppy. _But in a hot way._ Kōshi’s brain slowly wasn’t making any sense anymore, not with Daichi being so close, so warm, so irresistibly handsomely hot. _Holy shit._ Now Kōshi definitely was sporting a boner.

“Kiss me,” he blurted out, his arousal getting hold of him, and he stared at Daichi like a deer in the headlights. _This is the worst moment in my entire life._

“Okay.” Daichi’s voice was dark and raspy as he leaned in, steadying himself on his hands, just a breath away from Kōshi, and the latter was most certainly sure that this couldn’t be even _remotely_ real. _How did Daichi simply agree to this? No protest, no teasing, nothing. Oh gods. Oh_ Gods _!_

He _so_ wasn’t ready for this.

Daichi’s nose brushed against his cheek, their foreheads gently touching, and there were the soft, firm lips of probably the Sexiest Man Alive pressing against Kōshi’s. Kōshi inhaled shakily, lips moving hotly against each other, Daichi sucking at them and rendering him breathless. Kōshi could feel heat pooling in his stomach and butterflies going wild in his chest, everything in his body tickling from the rush of blood in his veins. He sighed into the kiss, and Daichi slipped his tongue softly against his lips, into his mouth, teasing it open, and Kōshi was like butter in his hands. He couldn’t do anything beyond grabbing onto Daichi so he wouldn’t be lost entirely in this weird, gravity-defying state of mind. His head was spinning from the rush.

They parted with a gentle plop, Kōshi’s heart hammering like crazy in his ribcage, but Daichi didn’t stop there. He kissed at his cheek, nibbled at his ear, sucking right behind it at this horribly, _horribly_ ticklish spot that just made more blood flood down south.

“Kōshi, Kōshi tell me who it is,” Daichi whispered against Kōshi’s neck, his lips brushing against the soft skin so tenderly, and Kōshi let out an airy sigh.

“I thought – you’d conclude – it by yourself, Captain,” Kōshi breathed into Daichi’s ear as the latter gently stroked his side, slipping underneath his shirt where it rode up and exposed his pale skin.

“But I wanna hear it from you.” Daichi pressed a soft kiss on Kōshi’s collar bone. Hands slipped down to his waist, sneaking over his thighs and tracing along the pattern of his boxer-briefs. _Holy Shit._ Kōshi gasped.

“You were right, you know? It was the bunny. It just flew away and left him dying.” _Wait, what did he just say?_

Daichi started groping at his crotch with _just_ the right pressure, and Kōshi’s brain went entirely to mush.

“Your mission was to protect him,” the brunet whispered against Kōshi’s jaw, tickling out another sigh. Then suddenly, the door sprang open, policemen filing in.

“Sir!” one addressed Kōshi with a thundering voice, “Oikawa-san is expecting a report! We need to know who stole the pork buns!”

Daichi continued to palm him, kissing him at _just_ the right places, and he really didn’t want him to stop.

“That’s okay, it was the bunny, it’s always the bunny. The trees will find him,” he muttered in his haze, more to himself than to the intruders. He heard splintering glass and a tiny thud, then a beeping. A pork bun was lying on the floor with something looking quite like a sparkler stuffed into it. Even Daichi stared at the beeping thing.

 _No, start groping again_ , Kōshi thought angrily. Daichi did, but Kōshi felt how slowly the scenery slipped his senses, and however much he wanted this not to end, the beeping of the pork bun bomb was persistent in bringing him back to the living.

 

Daichi had left roughly ten minutes before Kōshi’s parents had arrived, promising that he’d find out who Kōshi’s secret crush was, even if it’d cost his entire dignity. Kōshi found it endearing and waved him goodbye with butterflies in his chest. To Kōshi’s surprise, those names he had asked him about that night didn’t solely belong to girls, and he was satisfied with the reason being his “very vague hints.”

And now Kōshi was left with a boner and approximately three minutes until his mother would come in to check in why he was taking so long. _Fantastic._

Thinking about Daichi’s smell and his warmth only did half the job, in the end Kōshi had to think about the most humiliating sex position he could think of to find release, not even a second too early. His pyjama went away flying into the the laundry basket right after his mother stuck her head into his room, assuming _she_ startled him wide awake, and not some half-assed orgasm. Kōshi dressed up quickly, his uniform probably a mess but he would need to adjust it later if he wanted at least some bites of his breakfast before leaving. His bed-head was worse than usual, brushing it making not the littlest difference, so there he was, almost _inhaling_ the freshly cooked rice and sweet fruits.

Daichi already waited for him at their usual corner, and Kōshi’s heart leaped into his throat.

“Hey,” was the simple greeting, and it was so soft and genuine and _happy_ that Kōshi almost cried there and then. At the same time, Daichi’s eyes looked a little tired, dark with slight rings underneath. _What kept him awake so long?_

“H-hey,” he stuttered back, his cheeks pink from the heat rising in his chest, trying not to stare even more at Daichi, whose only interest – weirdly enough – seemed to be Kōshi’s face.

“You look different today,” he noted, and if it was even possible, Kōshi’s cheeks got even more pink, “fresher, kind of. You glow. Not like you don’t do that anyway, but. It’s like extra glow today.”

“O-oh.” _‘Well, we were making out in my dream last night and since you didn’t finish what you’ve started, I had to jack off first thing in the morning’_ didn’t seem like a good option to say, so Kōshi just stared ahead onto the sidewalk, his skin horribly flushed.

“You look kinda tired. Didn’t sleep well last night?” he asked after another glance at Daichi. The other just shrugged.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted nonchalantly with a small smile on his lips. _What even –_

“And that was because…?” Kōshi stared at him thoroughly, but Daichi just blushed and turned away.

“Nothing,” he muttered, barely audible.

“Liar!” Kōshi was poking playfully into his sides, Daichi jerking away, giggling. Kōshi wanted to chase after him and steal a kiss, but he held on for a second. No. This wasn’t like that. Daichi wouldn’t. It was _Daichi_ , after all. It wasn’t like that.

Kōshi cleared his throat. “I mean, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. You don’t need to. Then we’re equal.”

“Bu–”

“No, I won’t tell you whom I like. You said you’d figure it out yourself. I believe in you, Captain.” Kōshi patted Daichi’s shoulder. The confused look on his face was cute, _but he shouldn’t think about that._ He shouldn’t do a lot of things in general.

“You are mean.”

“Stop being so mopy, it’s just fair.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

Kōshi hummed at that contently, the rest of their way they were wrapped in comfortable silence, and it felt nice. Yes, sometimes he wanted to be selfish and be alone in the world with only Daichi. He probably didn’t need much more. Just Daichi, and the silence. He would be okay with this.

But then they arrived at school, and Kōshi was reminded that he had to share, that Daichi didn’t belong to him, and him alone, and it was nagging at his heart again.

_No._

No, Daichi didn’t belong to anyone. He never would.

Though, if Kōshi thought about it properly, Daichi would, just for the love of …his special someone. Daichi was that kind of person. Daichi had a weak spot for the people he loved. He had a weak spot for…

“Yui!”

Daichi and Kōshi turned heads towards a girl from Class 2, some paper clasped in her hands. She headed to Michimiya, chatting eagerly about something that seemed the upcoming Spring Tournament. Kōshi’s guts were churning.

Michimiya herself smiled shyly as she spotted Daichi and waved at him, and he waved back, his grin broad and sunny, before the Girls Volleyball Club moved to their respective club room, and the boys to theirs. Daichi’s look still lingered on Michimiya, as though he wanted to say something to her but couldn’t.

“She is cute, huh?” Kōshi asked, his voice raw.

Daichi blinked in confusion.

“Michimiya. Yui. You like her.” Kōshi hated to admit that it, in some way, was cute, how love-stuck Daichi was, _he should be happy, let this boy be happy gooddamn. Just with me instead._

“Huh? Yui?” Daichi still stared back to the girls’ club room, perplex. “She – she has a boyfriend.”

“Oh, so you _did_ have a secret relationship all along? Our whole year was taking bets, y’know,” Kōshi joked to patch up the stab wounds with ill-fitting band-aids of humour.

“We do not! Idiot!!”

And before Kōshi could think twice about it, he was chased up to their club room and had to close the door before Daichi could tackle him and probably commit murder.

 

The following week felt _weird_. An odd, unusual kind of weird. Kōshi at first couldn’t pinpoint it, but then he realised how unusually reserved Daichi was. He was still this adorable, love-stuck puppy and it was cute to watch if Kōshi ignored the fact that he was obviously pining for Michimiya. But still. Something was different.

Perhaps he had realised that Kōshi had a horrible crush on him. Maybe he didn’t want Kōshi to get the wrong idea. Didn’t want to send the wrong signals. Didn’t want to make it worse.

He was talking to Michimiya more often. Kōshi didn’t think it was solely about captain duties, and luckily Daichi didn’t try to make him believe it was. He saw Daichi’s strained face whenever they had to return to their lessons, this pressed smile that didn’t look good on him.

Kōshi felt horribly egoistic from the rush of happiness whenever he saw Michimiya talking about her boyfriend with her friends. It made Daichi unhappy. He could see the longing, desperate looks he cast her way. Kōshi felt incredibly guilty.

“Who is her boyfriend, even?” Kōshi asked as they were sitting in the yard for lunch, Michimiya chatting with some of the Third Years from her team not far away.

“Huh?” Daichi looked at him sheepishly.

“Michimiya’s boyfriend. It just keeps me wondering, since she seems so happy when she talks about him but I’ve never seen her with anyone.” Kōshi pokes in his rice with his chopsticks.

He knew it wasn’t fair to talk about something like that. Maybe he was just a little bit content that Daichi had to suffer through a similar heartache to his.

Daichi shrugged.

“He’s at uni, a friend of her older brother I think. They don’t see each other too often though.” The sliver of hope at the end made Kōshi’s guts churn.

“Oh.” Kōshi gulped. “How – h-how long are they, y’know. Uhm, a couple?”

“Since this spring, I think. Why do you want to know?” Daichi’s dark eyes felt so solid on him, and Kōshi shrunk into himself.

“I’m just. Curious. I guess.” His voice sounds so shallow in his ears.

They just sit there for a while in silence, dedicating their entire attention to their respective bentos, until Daichi took a deep breath.

“Suga, I – since you told me that y-you have a crush, I thought I… I maybe should be honest to you, too.”

Kōshi glanced at the stammering Daichi, whose ears were slowly turning red. He really didn’t want to know what kind of bomb Daichi was about to drop. He couldn’t believe that he’d want to revoke Kōshi’s position as vice-captain. He wouldn’t want them to quit being friends, would he? This was Daichi, after all. But would he?

“I… you know, I have this feeling for quite a while, and just recent events made me realise that – that I’m probably not… uhm.” Daichi bit on his lip, his eyes roaming around nervously. “Listen, so there’s this _person_ , and we are friends since what feels like forever, and we just get along so well and this person just means so much to me in general that for a long time I had no idea that. I was. In love.” Daichi was _horribly_ nervous. “And at the moment it’s driving me insane because I like this person so much and at the same time I know we won’t be together because they’re technically taken and I have no idea how flirting works but I want that person to like me but I know they won’t and I actually just want them to be happy but happy with _me_. Why does everything has to be so complicated?”

This flood of words, of emotions, despair, wasn’t what Kōshi had expected. He still thought it ridiculous how Daichi couldn’t even admit that he was crushing, and crushing _hard_ , on Michimiya, but maybe he believed not mentioning her name would make it better in some way, why ever that was.

Kōshi tried an understanding, yet actually very sad smile, and a pat on Daichi’s back.

“I guess I know what you mean. It’s weird how people always want what they can’t have.”

“I feel so horrible because I want them to be happy with that person that they like but at the same time I don’t want that. Or I want to be that person myself but I know I’m not.” Daichi sighed. “It’s just– I wonder, if I really were as, what did you say? ‘The picture book example of a son-in-law?’ Then why is it so difficult to find someone I like who likes me back, and everyone’s happy? According to you, there should be a queue up to the moon and back for me, but Oka-san is already worried I’d never get laid or something.”

Kōshi couldn’t believe how ridiculously dense his friend was.

“Well, maybe you need to realise that you and Oujiyama have probably the largest fan base on our school.” _Yours lead by glorious me_ , Kōshi thought bitterly.

“Then why is nobody cheering me on? I don’t remember a single time someone confessed to me, either.”

“Your fans just are, uhm, a bit more subtle, I guess.” _And I am always cheering for you, if you’ve forgotten about that._

Daichi moped a bit longer until their lunch break was over. It had been a weird experience to Kōshi, kind of surreal how Daichi refused to admit that he actually was quite a catch. It was hard to convince him without mentioning the fact that he’d bone him immediately. He had no idea this thing with Michimiya was nagging on him this badly.

“Y’know, Kiyoko, it’s just – you see all this… this great ass– greatness and how he’s actually just a puppy, so genuinely cute and honest, and you can’t tell him because… yeah.” Kōshi let himself fall into his pillows (“way too much” how Daichi once complained), phone stuck between shoulder and ear, the manager calmly breathing into the line while listening to his complaints.

“ _Suga, it’d be so much easier if you, y’know, just told him.”_

“But I can’t!”

“ _And this is why?”_ Kōshi was pretty sure that Kiyoko was at least a little bit annoyed. He could basically _hear_ her eyeroll.

“Because it’s. It’s _Daichi_. And he likes Michimiya Yui anyway.” Kōshi pouted at his feet.

“ _Well, she’s cute, and hot, I couldn’t get her thighs out of my head for the better part of First Year. I was so shy I didn’t even dare to join the volleyball club. I thought the boys’ was a bit more safe.”_

“Kiyoko, please get a grip.”

“ _Well, I think it was_ you _who was lusting after the Captain in first place.”_

“D-don’t call it like that…!” Kōshi felt his cheeks growing hot.

“ _Okay, so while you are thinking about the Captain’s abs and his firm bottom, I hope you still have time for your regular homework. At least I would like to have you read over my notes, if it’s no problem with your… jerk-off routine.”_

“KIYOKO!” Kōshi just realised how loud he was, and clapped a hand over his mouth.

“ _Nah, nah, just, do you have some time? It would help a bunch because I also have to organise some stuff for the tournament.”_

“Y-yeah, okay. I can do that.”

“ _You’re a darling, Suga.”_

“Thank you. But now, because I don’t want my jerk-off routine to get entirely ruined, I need to hang up, I guess.”

“ _Good night, Suga-san. I hope you’ll have enough focus tomorrow for practice.”_

“Sure I’ll have! Good night, Kiyoko-san. I hope you’ll dream of all the beautiful volleyball maiden – or your kouhai,” Kōshi teased with a silent chuckle.

“ _You are the_ worst _.”_

“Sleep well.”

“ _You too, idiot.”_

The silence after the phone call was weirdly depressing, his head spinning as he stared at the ceiling. He wondered how it would be if Daichi was there, if he was allowed to kiss him, to touch him, if this emptiness would vanish from his life. How was it to have someone who mattered to you as much as you did to them? Kōshi wasn’t sure if he’d ever get to know this feeling.

What would they even be after graduation? Would they lose track of each other, maybe a phone call a year and that’d be it? It was something weird he couldn’t quite grasp, but he had lost contact with so many friends before. Would he want to lose Daichi the same way?

 _Would it even matter if I confessed?_ Once he had told himself he’d kiss Daichi on their graduation day, no matter what. They wouldn’t need to talk afterwards. They might never see each other again in their lives. But the sooner the date came, the more he believed that this would be the worst idea ever.

If it worked out, what then? If they broke up at some point, what would happen? In most cases, there was no going back to ‘just friends.’ Would he even want that?

His phone vibrated. A text from Daichi.

**»Do you think we can make it next week?**

Kōshi bit his lip.

_I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an evil person....................................pls don't hate me.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and I really would appreciate some feedback in for of comments and/or kudos~
> 
> I'm also on [tumblr](http://inkykinky.tumblr.com)!!


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